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  It’s a wonder my ex got pregnant at all. It wasn’t on her agenda. I suspect her birth control pills failed because she threw up one day, but she always said it was my fault, as if I got her pregnant deliberately. That was just the start of the list of things that she blames me for.

  But it’s not just that I like having someone over the age of five around to talk to. I like having Holly here, because she’s Holly, even though I can’t seem to think straight when it comes to her.

  “The kids are really excited having you here.” I tell her. “Jack wanted to make sure you’ll still be here in the morning when I kissed him goodnight. I promised him you would be.”

  She laughs. “They’ve grown so much since I saw them last. It must be six months or something. Is this their last summer before school?”

  “They just finished kindergarten. Sorry, but you’ll have them all the time now that’s done for the summer.”

  “I don’t mind that.”

  I get up and fill up her glass. I’d like to sit beside her, but that would be dangerous, so I sit back down where I was. “Watch whatever you want on TV. I hope you won’t find it dull here.”

  “I’m sure I won’t.” She glances up at me with her long lashes and blue eyes and dammit if she doesn’t blush again. I could swear a look passes between us, but I must be mistaken. I’m just her dad’s friend. She’d never look at me like that.

  But I think she just did. Or did she?

  Fuck! This is only her first night here and I’m like some kid in high school with a crush.

  CHAPTER 5

  Holly

  I thought he just did a double take when I looked at him. And now I can’t look him in the eye. I can’t let him see how much I want him. The remote control is on the couch beside me and I grab it and start flicking though the channels again, not really caring what comes up on the screen.

  I’ve wanted Reid as long as I can remember. No other guy has ever turned my head because none of them matched up to him.

  It was agony going to his wedding and watching him get married to Mercia Blane. I should have been enchanted by the big affair, the romance of the event, the beautiful dresses and flowers and people, the elegant meal and sophisticated toasts. The gossip magazine taking pictures for an exclusive scoop on the wedding.

  At fifteen, it was the only celebrity occasion I’d ever attended but I couldn’t enjoy it because he was marrying her. And then they had that very public divorce, and I couldn’t feel triumphant about that either because those poor kids, and he wasn’t exactly happy about it either.

  I flick, flick, flick, getting more and more agitated by his closeness, until he comes over to me and takes the remote out of my hand.

  “Hey,” he says. “What’s up? I hope I didn’t upset you, making you talk about the jerks at college.”

  “No, I’m okay.”

  “You don’t seem okay. You know you can talk to me about anything. I’ve known you for a long time.”

  “Yes.” That’s as much as I can manage to say with him right beside me, looking at me so closely. He must be wondering what the hell is going through my mind. No doubt, he feels like he has a crazy person on his hands, or three kids instead of two.

  I can’t look up, his hand on mine over the remote. I’ve stopped flicking. And then he takes the remote and puts it down on the coffee table, turning the TV off completely and sits down beside me on the couch.

  My heart thuds. It’s like I’m being followed by a stranger on a dark night. But it’s just Reid causing my panic, a guy I’ve known all my life, and all he’s doing is showing concern.

  “Is it looking for a job, then? It’s tough out there, eh?” he says. “I know babysitting is not what you want to do, but something will come up. I’ll ask around.”

  “Thanks.” I don’t expect he means it. People always say that. I should never have said yes to working for him, not because it’s just babysitting, but because there’s no way I can last the whole summer and not do something stupid. In fact, I want to do something stupid right now and throw myself in his arms.

  “Daddy, I can’t sleep.” Katie is standing in the doorway rubbing her eyes and clutching her teddy bear.

  Reid shrugs and gets up to attend to her, and I take two gulps of my wine. What the heck? I finish the glass. I am so out of my depth with him. When he was a fantasy and I hardly saw him, I could cope. Imagining myself being part of his life was lovely. But now I’m actually living with him, reality is something else entirely.

  I should just go to my room. I’ll do that once he comes back. I take my empty glass to the kitchen and rinse it. I could sneak off now while Reid is occupied with Katie, but he’s there when I come out. I almost bump into him.

  “Are you running away?”

  “No.”

  “I thought you might be making a run for it. Do you remember when you were fourteen and you showed up at my house?” he asks.

  “Oh god, did you have to remind me of that?” One of my worst days as a teenager. Probably the very worst, if I think about it.

  “Sorry. I just remember being honored you ran to my place and that I took you home.”

  He doesn’t know the half of how mortified and upset I was. It started with the torments of mean girls laughing at my underdeveloped figure in last period gym class, and my so-called best friend, Judy, joining in.

  And then after I got home, I had Dad yelling at me for leaving my dishes lying around. Looking back, I realize he didn’t know what happened at school and the state I was in, but I didn’t see it then.

  “I shouldn’t have run to you. I got in your way. Mercia was there.” I don’t know why I went to Reid. He lived just a few blocks away before he moved to Manhattan and was always nice to me when he and Dad got together at our house. They always hit it off.

  “Pah! Mercia. You should have disturbed me with her more often and I might have come to my senses a bit sooner.”

  I couldn’t tell Reid what was troubling me, but I didn’t know where else to go and I thought he was my friend. I didn’t reckon on him having Mercia Blane, who’d just appeared in her first movie, over at his place. I didn’t even know he’d been doing work for her.

  He was kind to me, but she treated me with such contempt. I’ll never forget her words: “There’s a girl to see you, Reid,” she said when she answered the door to me, and then she whispered, “Reid likes his women all grown-up with tits and ass so don’t get any ideas.”

  And she swept out of the room, leaving me with him, more upset than ever. He never did get out of me why I was crying. He took me home and this is the first time he’s mentioned it since. Dad didn’t even know I was missing.

  “So, are you running away?” he asks.

  “I just thought I’d get out of your way.”

  “You’re not in my way. Never that,” he says. “But you’re welcome to go to bed.” He looks at his watch. “It’s… er… nine o’clock.”

  Is that all? It feels like I’ve been on edge for hours. I’ve only been here since six. If three hours is this hard, what is two months going to be like?

  “Late night last night,” I say, though it totally wasn’t. I went to bed and dreamed of Reid and how good it was going to be. Nothing like this nightmare of a situation. Dreams are different. In my dreams nothing is awkward, and the guy acts exactly as you want him to. He sweeps you off your feet. He says all the right things at the right time. And you’re ready with the witty wisecracks that make him smile.

  “Goodnight then,” he leans forward and kisses me on the cheek.

  I feel my face turn beet red. Usually his kiss hello or goodbye is the highlight of any time I see him, the feel of his soft lips on my cheek, the rasp of his beard against my skin, the male scent of him so close.

  Right now, though, it feels super-charged with something more. Maybe because we are alone. Yes, that must be it. But I’m pretty sure that feeling is all one-sided and always has been.

  I scuttle away upstairs and s
tart unpacking my things. Luckily, I have my own bathroom. I don’t have to leave my room at all and can stay tucked out of sight until morning.

  CHAPTER 6

  Reid

  Fuck! She ran away from me so quickly. She must know how much I want her and I’ve driven her into her room. I am such an idiot, kissing her goodnight. She must think I’m the pervert best friend of her father. Shit, I’m almost old enough to be her father.

  I have got to get control of myself. Maybe I should go out one night this week and get laid. But the thought of taking some other woman to bed just to scratch an itch when I really want Holly is less appealing by the minute.

  I try to do some work, but I’ve lost all focus. On my way to bed, I pass Holly’s room, and I know she’s in there. I hope she’s not worrying what she is in for working for me.

  I’m going to be doubly careful not to touch her or look at her or flirt with her. But I can’t stop thinking about her. She’s my only thought as I grab my cock and jerk off in the shower until I come, the stone-cold water not helping one bit. It doesn’t stop me thinking about her as I go to sleep either, or first thing when I wake. Not only that, when I go into the kitchen, there she is to torment me.

  All she’s doing is getting the kids their breakfast, for fuck’s sake. They must have wakened and she went to them so I wasn’t disturbed. She’s pouring out the Froot Loops and milk and humming to herself. She didn’t have a disturbed night, then. I’m the only one who’s disturbed. She’s wearing a pink camisole and PJ bottoms with rabbits on them, which makes me smile.

  “You like?” she says and does a little wiggle.

  “Yes, I like.” Jeez, have a heart, Holly. Has she changed her mind about keeping me at arm’s length overnight? Is she deliberately flirting with me now? Whatever she’s thinking, my cock can’t cope with the way her tits jiggle in that camisole when she wiggles like that. I’ll be in my room jacking off for two months at this rate.

  “I want some PJs like that, Daddy. Can I get some?” Katie says.

  “Only if Holly wants to go shopping with you.” I am done with that Daddy daughter shopping thing. All the decisions make my head spin. Iris usually gets the kids clothes.

  “I can take them,” Holly says. “Is there anything else they need while I’m there? Maybe vacation clothes for France?”

  “Well, all their things from last year will be too small. I’ll give you my credit card. If you can bear it, get them enough for a couple of weeks.”

  “Ooo,” Katie says. “I love going shopping.”

  Jack rolls his eyes.

  “Never mind, Jack, that’s girls for you.” I glance at my schedule. “If you’re still out in the afternoon, I’ll meet you all in McDonald’s after your shopping, to make up for it.”

  As I leave for work, I hand Holly my credit card. “Treat yourself while you’re there—Katie will love to help you choose. Whatever you need for France. Things for the beach and lying around the pool. A few nice dresses for when I take all my favorite people out.”

  “I can’t do that.”

  “I’ll be upset if you don’t come back with at least a few new outfits.”

  “Are you afraid I’ll show you up?”

  “It will only be us there—but if the bunny PJs are anything to go by, I’m going to enjoy your choices. I can’t wait.”

  She laughs. “I aim to please.”

  Oh, I so wish that were true. She says it, but does she have any idea of all the ways I want her to please me?

  CHAPTER 7

  Holly

  The kids and I have fun. We go to Kidz ‘n’ Things, and there’s enough around to entertain Jack and plenty of cute clothes for them both so it’s all good.

  “Daddy said you were to buy things for you,” Katie says, but there’s no way I’m buying myself clothes on his credit card.

  We are far too early for McDonald’s, so we have all our purchases sent home and go to the petting zoo. As the twins run about feeding the animals, I have to make sure they are cleaning their hands properly with the hand sanitizer and take endless pictures, at their insistence, of every animal in the zoo to show their dad.

  But other than that, I have time to let my thoughts wander to this morning, to how it felt much less pressured with the kids there. I almost managed to flirt with Reid without blushing. It’s funny how he loved my stupid PJs. I couldn’t think about trying to be sexy around him with the kids there. I can’t ever compete with Mercia and the women he’s been linked with in any case. It’s better if I play the kooky babysitter. Yes, safer like that. I can do that.

  *

  After the zoo, we find Reid waiting for us at McDonald’s, and he goes up to the counter to get our food.

  “Here you go, I know how to show a girl a good time.” He laughs as he puts my Big Mac in front of me and shares a tray with Jack and Katie.

  I wondered if I’d feel awkward with him this afternoon, but the kids make it easy, filling in every space in the conversation, chattering on about their adventure at the zoo and the things we bought. I can definitely do this. I just have to ignore the initial ache that hits me whenever I see him and I’ll be fine.

  “And did you get anything for yourself?” Reid asks me.

  “There wasn’t time, and poor Jack was getting bored. I’ll just get some things from home.”

  After we all eat our fill of calories at McDonald’s, Reid has his driver drop us off at home and waves us off. “I’m sorry, kids, I have to work tonight. Have fun with Holly, and go to bed when she tells you.”

  I’m disappointed. I thought we were getting along better, and I’d have him to myself tonight. I wanted to prove to myself I could cope without going gaga over him. But never mind, I’m still feeling better about surviving two months with my dignity intact.

  I miss him again at breakfast, when he has left for work so early that he’s away even before the kids wake me.

  He’s thought of me, though, and during the day the doorbell goes off constantly with all kinds of packages. At first, I think it’s the kids’ clothes being delivered, but there are countless parcels with my name on them, full of vacation clothes for me too.

  I have to call him to tell him to stop in case he keeps ordering. “Reid, thank you but that’s far too much. I’ll have to send them back.”

  “Don’t you like them? I had the girls in the office pick out what they’d like to wear on vacation if they could have anything they liked, but if they are not your taste we can exchange them and you can choose your own.”

  “I like them all, but we’re only going for two weeks, not a year.”

  “There you go, you can have a choice, change six times a day if you like. Or keep your favorites. Whatever. You can model them for me when I get back.”

  “Very funny. You know I’m not a model.” The man has been pictured with a couple of household names in the celebrity magazines, and he knows I’m not anything like them.

  “No, you’re far nicer,” he says, and I feel all warm inside at the compliment. And then it’s back to serving milk and cookies, and mopping up spills and crumbs.

  CHAPTER 8

  Reid

  I want her to have everything, to be happy, to feel good about herself, so maybe I went over the top with all the clothes. I vetoed anything too over-the-top sexy, not wanting to scare her off, but the truth is she could wear a sack and look good to me.

  Maybe it was a mistake letting others select everything for a girl who wants to be a designer, though. Fuck, schoolboy error. I just didn’t think.

  “Sorry about the clothes,” I say, when I go in, kissing the kids but not her. I don’t want to worry her again. “You probably want to choose your own things. I should have just insisted you go shopping again without the twins, but I wanted to treat you as a thank you for helping me out this summer. We can send them all back, and you can pick what you’d really like.”

  “You really shouldn’t have, but I love them all. Thank you. The girls made great choice
s. In any case, it’s as much about how you wear clothes as the things themselves.”

  “I love Holly’s new red dress,” Katie says. “She looks pretty in it. I want a dress like that when I grow up and get some boobies.”

  We all laugh at that, but I immediately want to see that dress. “Maybe you can all wear your new clothes now, because we are going out to dinner.”

  Jack groans.

  “I started to make pasta,” Holly says. “I make a mean chicken alfredo.”

  “Tempting.” And I don’t mean pasta. She is temptation on two legs. I can’t help how I feel about her. “Kids, Holly’s pasta or out to dinner?”

  I drag them out to places I like too often when Iris has a day off, so it’s not much of a treat for them to eat out in a proper restaurant.

  “We want to stay here and play and not get dressed up,” Jack says. “You make us behave when we go out.”

  “Too right, and you should behave at home, too.”

  They run around creating a riot in the living room, chasing each other and generally not behaving. I roll my eyes at Holly. “What can you do?”

  She laughs. “Pasta it is, then. They’ll tire themselves out.”

  I keep an eye on them to make sure they don’t kill each other or do themselves an injury while Holly cooks. Is it wrong that I’d rather watch her than them right at this moment?

  *

  Holly’s pasta is delicious. The kids even clean their plates without being bribed by dessert, and then we play a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos before getting them ready for bed. It’s like we’re a family, with a mom and a dad. I never had that with Mercia.

  After the twins are tucked up in bed and endless stories have been read that they begged for, I pour Holly a glass of wine. “You didn’t model your red dress for me. I was looking forward to that.”

  “You’ll have to wait.”

  “The suspense is killing me.”

  “You need more suspense in your life.” She laughs. “There’s a Hitchcock movie on. That should do the trick.”