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  “Okay, time for breakfast before you break the bed. Leave Holly to enjoy her toast in peace.”

  *

  It’s even warmer on the beach today than it was yesterday. Katie and Jack play around in the sand and only need us to break up the occasional squabble.

  I look over at Holly. I can hardly believe she is here with me, that last night was not some kind of dream I am going to wake up from any moment.

  “Are you ready for a swim?” I ask. “You know it’s going to be freezing, don’t you?”

  “I was hoping it would just be refreshing.”

  “Depends on your definition of refreshing. I have to remind myself not to curse like a sailor every time I go in—the kids are bound to repeat my choice phrases in front of their grandparents next weekend.”

  “It’s good you stayed in touch with them.”

  “Yes, they love the kids to bits.” I look over to make sure the twins are not able to hear me, but keep my voice low just in case. “It’s not their fault that their daughter turned into a bitch when she became famous. Sometimes, I can’t believe she’s theirs.”

  Holly’s face is a picture when she dips a toe into the water. “Jeez! That’s cold.”

  “Last one in is a rotten egg,” Jack says. “So we all hold Daddy’s hand and go in together so no one is the egg.”

  “I’ll have to hold yours then, Jack,” Holly says. “I don’t want to be the rotten egg either.”

  I glance across at her and grin. My eyes stray down to her bikini top where her nipples are displaying the effects of freezing cold water, even though she only has a toe in it. She looks at where my eyes have strayed and gives me a warning look, and we both laugh.

  “Right, one two three, here goes, kids!” We all run into the water, making a big splash, and fall over, laughing. It’s only about eighteen inches deep, but the twins only have to go a little farther to have enough water to swim.

  Holly and I wade out with them until we are about waist high, making sure they are safe, dipping our shoulders under the surface so we’re not caught by the breeze as they swim about.

  “Not too cold?” I ask, the sun on our faces in sharp contrast to the temperature of the water.

  “It’s okay once you’re used to it,” she says. “But check on me in a few minutes. I suspect I won’t be able to feel my legs by then.”

  “I’ll feel your legs for you anytime, and any other part of you that you want me to check out.”

  She laughs.

  The kids don’t notice the cold at all. They are splashing about, doing no stroke anyone would recognize, but enjoying the water.

  By the time we come out, tough, they’re shivering, and we wrap them up in big soft towels and get them dried quickly so they can run about on the sand. Then I wrap Holly in a big, soft, dry towel too, and whisper in her ear from behind. “I’d like to get you out of that wet swimsuit and I know just how to warm you up.”

  She giggles and turns around to face me and goes up on her tiptoes to kiss me. “You can warm me up later,” she says.

  We wander back for lunch and eat a selection of what’s left in the fridge from yesterday. I brought enough to feed an army, as usual. The kids are happy, and Holly smiles and chats with them. It’s usually just me and the kids here on our own.

  I’m just thinking about what we’ll do in the afternoon, maybe a spot of rock pool exploring or a bike ride—I think there’s a spare one here Holly can use—when I get the text that puts a downer on everything.

  CHAPTER 21

  Holly

  “It’s Mercia,” he says. “Her dad is in the hospital and wants to see the children.”

  “Oh my god. Is it serious?”

  “I don’t know. I’ll text her back, but could you help me get them ready in case we need to go?”

  I get the excess sand off the kids as gently as I can and get them back into their normal clothes while Reid gets changed. I’m still in the shorts and T-shirt I slung on for lunch, my hair hanging in rat tails from the salt in the water.

  “Is Granddad very sick?” Jack asks me.

  “I expect the doctors and nurses are working very hard to make him well again. Seeing you two will make him happy.”

  “I don’t want Granddad to be sick,” Katie says.

  Reid catches the tail end of that and I see him shrugging, concern written all over his face. The children can’t see him from where they are, and it’s obvious he doesn’t know what to say to them to set their minds at rest.

  “Do you want me to get ready to go with you?” I ask, not sure if I want to go or not. I’ve met Mercia’s parents a few times at the twins’ birthday parties, but I’m not sure how they’d react to me turning up with their daughter’s ex-husband.

  “It may be better if you don’t come,” he says. “Why not enjoy the house and the beach and we’ll be right back as soon as we can?”

  He looks up the hospital directions on his phone. “It’s only forty-six minutes away according to Google, so we should be back by six or so if we leave now. I can’t imagine they will want the children running around for too long.”

  He looks at his phone again. There’s been no beep with a text back from Mercia giving more details.

  “No message?” I ask.

  “I’ll give her a call.” He tries her number. “Nothing. She’s probably switched off her phone in the hospital. I think we’d better just go.”

  We bundle the kids into the car, and he kisses me. “So sorry about this spoiling our day.”

  “It can’t be helped. I hope the kids’ granddad is okay and they don’t get upset seeing him in the hospital.”

  He drives off, and I’m left alone in the beach house. I tidy up all the things that have been left out in all the haste to get to the hospital and set about preparing dinner. A spicy bacon and tomato sauce will go nicely with the fresh pasta Reid brought.

  The meal under control, I sit outside on the little patio area and wait, watching the sea. I can’t get over how beautiful it is here, how good it feels to have the sun on my face. Even the breeze from the ocean is not making it too cold to sit out. I close my eyes and turn my face up to the sky to catch the rays. I can feel my eyelids drooping, the result of precious little sleep for the past few nights.

  “Well, look who’s here.” I jump and open my eyes. Of all people to show up, it’s the one I least want or expect to see.

  It’s Mercia. I didn’t notice her creeping up on me as I nodded off.

  “I just thought it might be you when I heard there was a new young nanny called Holly keeping his bed warm.”

  I feel my cheeks color, but I’m not letting her get away with that. “What do you mean?”

  She ignores me. “You always had your tongue hanging out like a dog whenever you visited. Do you think he’d be interested in you if I still wanted him? We used to laugh about your stupid teenage crush after you left. Always simpering over him, fluttering your eyelashes.”

  She’s such a bitch, and she can get the hell out of here. I’m not fourteen and easy to bully anymore, so she can forget it. “I care about him more than you ever did.”

  “That might be so, but the feeling’s not mutual. You may think you have what you want now, but you don’t have anything. Look how quickly he came running when I left him a text.”

  Suddenly, I suspect she sent that message deliberately to get Reid out of the way. If her father was desperately sick, she would be there too, not hanging around at the beach house. Surely even she is not that callous. “You lied! You’ve sent Reid to the hospital on a wild goose chase using your own father.”

  “Not true. My father is in the hospital.”

  “Then shouldn’t you be with him?”

  “He’ll enjoy seeing his grandchildren. I organized that for him. He’ll be fine once he gets out after his procedure tomorrow.”

  “You mean his stay in hospital was already planned?”

  “Not really. They managed to book him in on short notic
e for tomorrow morning. But the whole thing just demonstrates how little you know about what I mean to Reid. He doesn’t want you.”

  “Going to the hospital has nothing to do with you. His only concern was your father.”

  “It’s everything to do with me. It’s my children in the middle of your cozy little arrangement, and he wants me, their mother.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “Ask him about L.A. He didn’t take you with him, did he?”

  “I was looking after the children.”

  “My parents would have them any time. If he was that keen on taking you, he could have had them help out. Did you know I was in L.A., too?”

  What is she saying here? He didn’t mention seeing her there. I try not to overreact, but a faint feeling of nausea hits me.

  “I’m sorry. I can see you didn’t know he was meeting me there, did you?” Mercia has her triumphant bitch face on. “How handy that he had a babysitter so we could spend those nights together. He wanted to stay longer, but he didn’t trust you with our children for too long.”

  “You…you…you’re lying.”

  “Why would I?”

  “You want him back.” This has to be a ploy. But why didn’t he mention he saw her? Maybe she just knows he was there. That must be it.

  “I don’t need to get him back. I already have him. He never fell out of love with me. He told me so on Wednesday night and again on Thursday. Have you ever stayed in the Diamond suite at the Ondina, I wonder? One of the nicest places he’s taken me so far.”

  She knows where he stayed? His room at the hotel! She wouldn’t know that, unless…she was there too. No wonder he seemed so distracted when he called the second day. He’d been with her. The truth of it hits me, and I can’t speak.

  But she has to get the knife in again. “Anyway, let’s face it, why would he look at you when he has me? The sooner you get used to that idea, the better. You might be convenient for a random fuck when he’s in need, but…look at you.”

  I don’t need to look. I know she’s a movie star and I’m as ordinary as peanut butter and jelly. She’s a big success and I’m a failed fashion wannabe. No wonder he still wants her. I clench my fists and dig my nails into my palms. I won’t cry in front of her, I won’t.

  But she hasn’t finished.

  “Stupid girl. So naïve. I feel sorry for you. He’s used you, and you can’t even see it.” She flounces off, and I hear her car starting up.

  I’m stunned. Too shocked to weep properly, but tears squeeze out of my eyes as I stumble out of my chair. I have to pull myself together and get out of there before Reid and the children come back.

  He has the car, but I don’t care. I’ll find a way to get home. I don’t even know how to describe this place to call someone to pick me up here. But there must be a train or a bus from the town we passed on the way here. That’s only a few miles away. I can do this.

  I shove everything of mine I can grab easily into my weekend bag. The suitcase won’t close at first, the way it has been crammed in, but in the end, I get it zipped up and stumble up the coastal path, the wheels on my bag catching in the pebbles and sandy earth.

  Now that I’m on my way, I can hardly see where I’m going for tears. It’s getting dark, but it’s too early for dusk. I look up. The sky is darkening. Good. It matches my mood. But the rain starts coming down, just a few drops at first and then much more heavily, the wheels on my bag gathering wet earth as I drag it along.

  I don’t care how difficult it is, I won’t stop and turn back. After a hundred more yards or so, I reach the main road into the town.

  CHAPTER 22

  Reid

  When we arrive at the hospital, Gordon is sitting up in the chair by his bed waiting for the operation he will undergo tomorrow. Of course he’s happy to see the children. But that bitch Mercia, being her usual lying, manipulative self, has dragged me here on false pretenses!

  I don’t get why she wanted me here. Is it just to show that she can still make me do what she wants, when I made it perfectly clear last week that I wasn’t interested in her? She never gives up.

  This must be just another one of her games.

  But I can’t bad-mouth her to her father or the children, so I have to hide my surprise at how well he is, and I like the guy so I’m happy to see there’s nothing seriously wrong with him. No, there’s nothing much wrong with him.

  Just with the daughter he spawned.

  We leave him as soon as it’s polite to go. I call Holly outside the hospital, but there’s no answer. Maybe she’s down by the sea. Lucky her! I imagine her walking along the shoreline, in her little shorts, sandals in her hand, enjoying the sun.

  I leave her a text telling her we’re on our way.

  The traffic is worse than I expected, and the weather doesn’t help. It starts to rain heavily, slowing everything down. But we’re back within the hour.

  I call out to Holly when I open the front door, but there’s no one there and when I look out onto the beach, there’s no sign of her there either.

  I look through the house. That’s when I notice all her things are gone. Was she annoyed that I left her alone for the afternoon? Surely, she’s not as petty as that, sulking because Mercia’s dad wanted to see the kids when we thought he was sick? There’s a pot of spaghetti sauce on the stove. What? She cooked for us and then took off without leaving a note?

  This doesn’t add up.

  I call her but get no answer.

  What happened to her? Should I call the police? No. Too soon. They’ll never take me seriously. I bundle the kids back in the car. They’re grouchy. They’ve been cooped up inside all afternoon. Even though it’s raining, they want to go back to the beach for a “rain walk,” something we usually do when the weather is poor.

  “We have to find Holly,” I tell them.

  “Where did she go?”

  “I don’t know. We’re going to look for her. Let’s play I-spy. The first one to spot Holly gets to choose what flavor ice cream we have tonight, so keep a look out.”

  I don’t have the first fucking clue where Holly went. She has no car. Did she call a cab or get a rental car delivered? If so, she’s well away by now. But I have to look for her. What if she’s hurt? What made her run?

  There’s no sign of her on the coastal path—at the end of the road I don’t know whether to go left or right. But if she’s on foot, I’m guessing she would have made for the town, and we didn’t see her when we drove back from the hospital from the other direction, so I turn left.

  Scared of missing any sign of her, I drive slowly, watching for her as well as the road in the heavy downpour.

  But it’s Katie who pipes up. “Is that Holly’s red bag in the hedge? It’s getting all wet.” I stop the car by the side of the road and yes, it’s hers, still full by the weight of it. One of the wheels has come off. Is she close? I put the bag in the car and tell the kids to keep on looking, and that they’ll both get all the ice cream they want if we find her soon.

  Another four hundred yards or so, and we find her. She’s walking along the side of the road, head down. It’s hard to tell in the rain, but it looks like she might be in tears. What the fuck is going on? Why didn’t she call me when she had to abandon her bag? Why did she run at all?

  CHAPTER 23

  Holly

  A car pulls up alongside me, and I jump. I walk on and ignore it as best I can. I’ve already had a sleazy guy stop and offer me a ride, but I’d rather walk than get in a car with a stranger. The town didn’t seem like it was this far away when we drove through it to get to the beach house.

  I’ll have to rent a car and come back for my bag, though it’s not much of a loss, just a suitcase with a broken wheel and a few outfits I might never want to wear again because of the memories that will always be attached to them.

  But whoever has stopped is not driving off when they see I’m ignoring them. A car door opens and someone gets out. I start to run through the r
ain.

  “Holly! It’s me.”

  Reid! I stop and turn to face him. Does he know that Mercia came to see me? That I know he was only using me?

  “Where are you going?” he asks.

  “Home.”

  “You’re running away like this? Why?”

  “You really have to ask? I’m sure you and Mercia had a good laugh behind my back in L.A. when you got together again.”

  “What? What gave you that idea?”

  “She came to see me when you were gone. She told me you spent two nights together.”

  “And you believed her?”

  “You didn’t even mention she was there.”

  “Look. It’s not how it seems. Let me explain.”

  “I’ve had enough of your lies. I don’t want to listen to any more of them. Thanks all the same.”

  The rain is coming down in sheets. I turn, ready to go on. If I can just get to the town, I’ll find a hotel or something, get dry before I go home.

  “You’re getting soaked,” he says. “It’s cold. I have your bag in the car. Katie spotted it. Come back to the beach house, get changed into some dry things, and I’ll get you home if that’s still what you want when you hear me out.”

  I want to be stubborn, but I look back at the kids in the car. How will he explain why I wouldn’t get in the car with them? Cold water runs down my back and I shudder. I’m not dressed for this weather.

  “Just get in, Holly. I’ll take you back, then we can talk.”

  I nod and get in the car.

  CHAPTER 24

  Reid

  I could slaughter my ex, but at least Holly is safe and in the car. She turns her face to the window and refuses to look at me. I want to know exactly what Mercia said to make Holly run, but maybe I’ll never find out. Mercia is a gifted actress. She can carry off any set of lines, make anything believable. No trouble at all. I’ll give her that.

  “You’re all wet, Holly,” Jack says. “You should have put on your raincoat.”